A place to rave, a place to rant, to commend and recommend, mostly a place to vent...

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

First love...

'What once was, still is and will always be...' I finally came face to face with my past today. Bashir was my first love. I was 14 and so was he. We met when my school went to Kano Race Course for the annual October 1st marchpast. We began writing to each other and sneaking meetings during the holidays. When he found out that we lived in Yakasai close to an aunt of his, she became his favourite aunt and my favourite neighbour. He introduced me to James Hadley Chase, I introduced him to the Archie comics. It was an innocent but intense love. It lasted about 18 months. A year later, I was married and he was on his way to America. I have always wondered 'what if?' This was a meeting 22years in the making. It happened in a place and time least expected. In my mind, I always imagined that we would meet again at a time when I was a perfect size 10, looking radiant and sophisticated. I imagined he would profess his love for me and state that he had never really got over me and that no woman ever measured up to me. The reality was quite different: Park and Shop in Wuse, two screaming kids in tow, minimally made up, far from sophisticated and looking on the wrong side of thirty. On the contrary, he was looking suave, sophisticated and in control. Amazingly he recognised me. He said I looked exactly the same (liar, but I loved it). We both started with small talk but it quickly went to more personal stuff. More was said than was spoken. Coincidently, my second son is called Bashir, his second daughter has my name, go figure. He is doing so well and was pleased that I had gone back to school to get two degrees. He seemed to want to linger and chitchat but I could feel something starting that did not forbear well. He gave me his number, I gave him a false one. We promised to stay in touch, although I knew it was a promise I would not keep. We parted and again I am left thinking 'what if?' What if...what if...what if... Wake up girl!! I am married to the most wonderful man, I have five beautiful kids, live a very fulfilled life. I am immensely happy, I am so-o happy with my life and I have no regrets. That's my story and I am sticking with it!!!

24 comments:

Nyemoni said...

Nice one....they say you never really get over your first love....I have read your profile and I must say you are an admirable woman and I'm not just sayin! I wonder what I would have done in your shoes? I also love the way you write....Blog on!!

pamela said...

Forget the What ifs.

You are married to a beautiful man.


Maybe your kids can marry each other - ignore me too many nollywood movies.

hajia said...

reminds me of my own encounter years ago. i stepped out of the gate and i saw him. our eyes locked for eternity it seemed. i pulled away with some effort. my hubbie was behind me as i walked to and entered the car quickly relieved. thank God i never saw him again.
yes you never get over with it...

'Yar Mama said...

@nyemoni, glad you like my blog, urs aint so bad either

Pamela, I also thought of that. Wouldn't it be amazing if our kids find each other later in life?

Hajia, you reaction was right. You would have been uneasy talking with him in front of ur hubby..

jinni said...

Very sad,but you know what they say-you cant eat ur cake and have it.

Jem said...

Interesting .... dnt let ur thoughts wander too much though.

Afrobabe said...

lol...stick to ur story love...

good thing u had the sense to give him a wrong number....we all know the mind is willing...

Read ur profile and was wowed away...that is a post on its own...

Lighty said...

datz ur story? wot do u mean dats ur story? u not trying to convince urself are u?????
i like the fact u gave him a false number, darling i believe wot u dont know wouldnt hurt u, so it is better not to wonder 'what if' for all u know he probably has changed from that sweet guy u use to know.
what if his wife came up to u with a black eye to tell u she just got knock out the 2 time this week by her husband?
go figure!!!!! so darling, u're happy stay happy and dont wonder what if.
X...

Sherri said...

i salute u
u are def an inspiration.

u did the right thing, the past is best left in the past.

s.chic said...

hey! Don't dwell on the "what ifs" for some reason i kinda understand why u gave him a fake number, but please forgive my nosy self and don't answer if u don't but your current husband is one you chose for yourself rite? Just wondering because ofyour comment: "dat's your story and u're sticking to it"

by the way, you remind me of a friend i used to have a long time ago... she was also hausa and probably my best friend at a time until she told me they were taking her away to go marry... i honestly didn't understand well then because we were only in primary school...but i commend ur boldness and liberty...

You ever lived in Lagos? In Ikoyi?

Mandy Brown-Ojugbana said...

Hi, just fell on your blog thru chxta,amazing how you both named your kids after each other.I agree with nyemoni you never forget your first love ..and yes I wonder what I would have done.Great blogs by the way.

'Yar Mama said...

s.chic, yes my current husband is my choice. My last statement was just due to nostalgic feelings starting doubts in my mind but I reminded myself how lucky i am. Born, raised and bred in Kano except for the one year spent on the run escaping my first marraige (this is a story for another day).

Jinni, Jem, Afrobabe, Sherri, Lighty, Mandy, thanx for the compliments

jinni said...

Cant wait for the sequel,what happened on the run?LOL

Ladi said...

Great blog. Thanks for hitting mine.

fantasy queen said...

stick to that story...sometimes we catch up with our past and get feelings of 'what ifs', but really the what if might not be as perfect as we imagine it to be, our now is so much better.

thanks for stoping at mine, cant wait to hear your story.

Risquediva said...

yeh men the "what ifs" in my own dictionary is d devils work...lol...u have the most wonderful man on earth (after mine tho) so wake up love...lol @ Pamela,nollywood movies indeed but its true na...nice blog,coming back soon!

Florida of Free Spirit said...

my dear, why did u give him a wrong number now? afraid of okafor's law happening in ur life??? lol. i've never quite been in such a situation. wait! something happened to me once. i saw a guy i'd a crush on 4 so long but which quite materialize. by den i was already seeing someone. 4 a sec, i tot 'hmm, what if ...?' & killed dat tot. i was happy with my man & dat was all 2 it

zara said...

lol i like ur story. probabli wud stick to it my self.lol

Naapali said...

Now I better understand your comment to my post on my first crush. Different circumstances for both of us but I understand.

I loved this line and it is one I wish I wrote myself, I seek permission to quote it and hopefully be able to give credit to you:
"More was said than was spoken."

'Yar Mama said...

@naapali, permission granted. Thanx for visiting my blog.

Toky said...

yeah rite! but on the other hand, phew! that was a close shave. not every 'human' comes out of such meetings to tell da tale. pleaseeeeeeeeee run o o o!

Smaragd said...

I hope your Bashir finds his Yar' Mama...lol

someone once said "first loves are always possible future attacks..."go figure!

hmmm... thankfully in ur case it wasnt so.

rethots said...

"That's my story and I am sticking with it!!!" ...a most brilliant descision.

We cannot always have what we 'think', sometimes, t'is best to let the sleeping lie sleeping and face reality (& move on).

Jaguda said...

first love......ha. who can ever forget their first love?