A place to rave, a place to rant, to commend and recommend, mostly a place to vent...

Monday, September 8, 2008

Four weddings and perhaps a funeral?

My apologies to Chxta and Toks-Boy. I had been to four weddings this summer and I was holding my breath for a funeral. I crossed my fingers, prayed, found a four-leaf clover, burnt N270m in a graveyard at midnight, held a chicken in Okija shrine in my husbands y-fronts, stole a horseshoe, night-vigiled with my ''pastor'' but Allah did not answer my prayer. I had practiced my one teardrop, slowly rolling down my cheek as I exaggerate the void his passing would leave in the Nigerian polity. I imagined hugging and 'air-kissing' she who knows not her limitations, as I console the family. Alas, it was not to be. He really is the cat with nine lives. Our only consolation is that he has used up five. Four more close shaves and we will finally have some 'goodluck'. However, they say, be careful what you wish for. We might substitute one who is slumbering with one who is catatonic. Anyway, sha, it seems I have to destroy the eulogy I had written...Even if I have to say it myself, it was beautifully written. I had traced his slumbering, right from the old city. I compared him to the 'old lion' who was revered and had charisma. I thought of the older 'broda' who at least had a mind of his own and some initiative...I then realised that a boy was sent to do a mans job. What is he? A man or a mouse? A woman or a wouse?

24 comments:

NoLimit said...

Hmmmmn Yar mama...did you want him dead at all cost?(just kidding...but could sense some dark humour in your write up...as usual...beautiful write up...you never cease to impress me with your mix of words)...good to have you back...at least for a while!

Mz. Dee said...

mehn.. the way u write is something else! way too talented for one person!

Rita said...

Hmmmm...this is very beuatiful/interesting version of the story...I was trying to decode at almost every sentence...nice one...

Won't mind seeing the eulogy before you destroy it...

Ladi said...

Yar Adua?

Just guessing.....

Naapali said...

Yar mama u sabi write no be small.
I too enjoy am.

Save that tear, Nigeria will extract it one way or another.

Standtall said...

Wouse?

Chxta said...

Sanu de zua

TheAfroBeat said...

hehe, nicely written. As you say, be careful what we wish for. Change will come in it's time, but I'd rather not through the poor man's demise.

How're things on the not-so-new job?

Jaycee said...

Lol...is this about Yar'adua?

Jaycee said...

Seems like two/three people guessed along the same lines as I did...lol (I have an incurable habit of posting my comment before reading the others'...it's fun). :)

doll said...

LOL. I was wondering who u were talkin bout till i read d comments

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Don't burn the eulogy just yet, he/she/it (man?woman? mouse? wouse?) may be on life 9:-)
Enjoyed the dark humor in this...
YarMama can be evil...hehehehehe...

Anyways, ya ya aiki da kome da kome?

NigerianDramaQueen said...

PS: Don't compare him to the older brother just yet...he may be his alter-ego in camouflage!

Toks- Boy said...

Chai walahi.Wait for me to leave the country and then sneak in your usual excellent post. Anyway I feel where you are coming from. One wonders what will\ would happen if you know what did\does happen? Goodluck? Hmm. Wishful thinking I feel.

The best that we can hope for is that MYA at least lasts for the term but then again stranger things have happended. After all is this not Niaja? The man might outlive us all and turn things around and make Nigeria into a great nation once again.

But then I also think that one day Pamela Anderson will pop by for a pyjama party and Halle Berry will return my calls!

theicequeen said...

hmm, eez zis about our dearest crickety? LOL..hmm, hope he doesn't kpeme shaa! so that we can frame the eulogy for him..that is withthe hope that he has a sense of humour..because the writing is too beautiful! its practically art! :P

good too see you back after that mini hiatus..yes, i know it wasn't thaat long, but allow me to complain small :P..missed yoo!

AlooFar said...

I wish this post was longer than this. No, not that I like reading long posts... but there is a way you write that I find engaging.

Yaya de

NoLimit said...

Hiya,
You’ve been given an award, check my blog for more details.

fantasy queen said...

lol'
its funny how we all make comments about 'just die, die die'...i heard that alot and i'm ashamed to say smiled along with the statements.

although i think we should be a little sensitive here with the death wish....look beyond the best thing for the state and think about...his family!!!!

Toks- Boy said...

wherefore art thou SS? abi the NSA don reach your side and shut you down like Chanels TV?

'Yar Mama said...

@nolimit, want who dead? I dont know what you are talking about.
@mz.dee, @rita, thanx for the compliment
@ladi, ke kika fa da ba ni ba!!!
@naapali, thanx, you set a standard I try to live up to
@standtall, a wouse is a female mouse, check your dictionary;.)
@chxta, Nna Ke du?
@afrobeat,what are you talking about? The job is exhausting but interesting, thanx
@jaycee,@doll, NO!!! Trust me, its just a piece written about no-one in particular.
@NDQ, aiki lafiya but honestly, it was not about Yardy...
@Toks-boy, aah,ah na wah. you just dey take style use my blog to say all you want to say about the man. Me, I no mention any name oh! The post was about no one in particular. By the way, Halle Berry and Pam Anderson are probably wishing that one day Toks boy will grace them with his presence...(and pigs will fly)
@theicequeen, it was not about Yardy, the post was a figment of my over active imagination...
@aloofar, nagode. Thanx for the compliment
@nolimit, thanx for the award, we aim to please
@fantasyqueen, no be Yardy I dey talk about oh...I get five kids, I dey fear SSS

FFF said...

this one na correct satire! u did a good job, dear. very tongue n cheek



"Ruffin' It" is launched. If u haven't been there, follow my link ...

InCogNaija said...

definitely dark humor...I like.

talesandtallies said...

This write up is amazing... took me a lot of brain work to figure out who you were writing about

hypnotique said...

Your blog is truly amazing... I have read all your posts in one swoop... It's like a very good book you just cant put down... You have definitely been added to my fav blogs...

Cheers....