A place to rave, a place to rant, to commend and recommend, mostly a place to vent...

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Disclaimer!!!

In reference to my last post, please be informed that all characters and incidents are products of the authors imagination and cannot be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living, dead or quarter to dead, is purely coincidental. SSS, NSA, NPF and EFCC , please take note!!!

Going by the comments on my last post, I cannot begin to understand how mischievous people can misconstrue an innocent exercise for my creative writing class into a death wish. I am amazed at how many negative comments were posted about 'our dear leader'. This is a man that is literally placing his life (not to mention his kidneys and lungs) in the pursuit ( ...can one still use 'pursuit' even if the pace is sluggish?) of a strong and vibrant Nigeria. I, for one would never criticise someone who in one year of office, has rejuvenated our epileptic power system ( ...operating at 10% capacity), revamped healthcare ( ...infant mortality at an all time high, primary healthcare unobtainable) and improved our education sector ( ...basic education means learning the alphabet) to compete adequately with the West. And some of you want to use me to insult this fine, charismatic gentleman,( ... Mr no-risk, no-responsibility.) Never! Whatever it is you imagine that you read between the lines is a hallucination of your medulla oblongata. See me, see trouble. I just dey mind my own business, people want co-opt me into 'treasonable activities'. I am a law-abiding citizen and this era of rule of law will prevail despite saboteurs camouflaging as bloggers. I beg, I no dey. In the last month, solely based on these comments, I have had the privilege of sightseeing several Federal Govt tourist attractions like the 'manmade' underground caves at the SSS Headquarters and the newly completed torture chamber at the Police Headquaters, built in the style of the chambers at Auschwitz to commemorate the long standing friendship between Nigeria and the Jewish nation. I was also given the opportunity to test the soundproof solitary confinement cell, where Nigerian ingenuity is showcased with experiments on the several methods of extracting the loudest screams from the human body. I have made the acquaintance of several 'al-mustaphaic' imitations, and one bonafide Sergeant Rogers. EFCC are now asking me to explain the origin of the N62,250 in my Zenith Bank account and the N31,778 in my Guaranty Trust Bank account, with all paperwork completed in triplicate. The Nigeria Police Force (NPF) have asked me to produce the receipts to my four pairs of shoes and three bags. My husband is now required to produce his income tax certificate from 1997. Ina zaman zama na, za ku sa a daure ni. Haba, dan Allah, ina da 'ya 'ya biyar, Wallahi, ba na neman rigima... You see, I am so petrified that I am now writing in Hausa...

30 comments:

bumight said...

i figured that since they shut down Channels TV, they'd have invited you for the tours of The Underground Monuments.

you know what they say though, slo and steady wins the race!

Ladi said...

Gaskiya. Ni ma na fara rubutu da hausa.

Naapali said...

Dem no fit tosh you. Nothing do you. Dem go first need to sabi manipulate the computer, then dem go need internet connection, then dem go need to sabi find blogger sef.

How dem fit do that with toshlight for station wey no get power?

Chxta said...

I don't know where I am...

Tenacious said...

heheh! Lallai sun tsorata ki! Allah dai ya kare mu daga sharrin Naija police....da EFCC....da dai sauran su :)

FFF said...

personally, i have beef with yar adua. d dude is just lame! i totally lost respect 4 him wen he pulled dat channels stunt. like, WTF! there is such thing as freedom of speech, & where can i say it if not my blog?



"Ruffin' It" is launched. If u haven't been there, follow my link ...

zara (my alter ego) said...

they are realli asking u all these?? are we back to the military junta or what?? hmmm.. slow and staedy.. doesnt necesarily win the race.. i wud say they get there as well..

Ademola & Rita said...

I've been reading your blogs for a minute now, and my, my you are stoopid! Damn! How do you come up with this ish you write? You got some mad talent. Please dont stop! Me love you long time.

OluwaDee said...

The hausa @ d end cracked me up.

Abex no vex to much with out 9ja govt o.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

ol' girl, don;t joke about those SSS boys oh! They are now arresting Nigerian bloggers oh!

AlooFar said...

what's the meaning of that Hausa you put at the end? ;)

How I wish you knew how much I've been dying to learn how to speak Hausa language!

Afolabi said...

Nice..Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. I'm enjoying your blog, your writing just captures one...Hmmn this SSS better be careful, why interogate bloggers, frail ole bloggers- what can these our scribblings do, that they're threatened?

InCogNaija said...

they will not be able...
the hausa at the end cracked me up mad. i can imagine what you were saying....i know what it could be in yoruba and that is hella funny!

chi9ja said...

just came across ur blog and read your profile, i want to say well done for having the courage to do what needed to be done, not that i champion divorce but nobody should have to be with someone who makes them feel less of what they are. this is not just a fight for the muslim woman but women in general in 9ja, we r hardly ever given a fighting chance.

Jaycee said...

SSS, NSA, NPF, and EFCC are now officially scaring our people (who are albeit undercover bloggers)!!!

Na wa!

talesandtallies said...

toh... when the going gets tough, sai mu fara magana a hausa ko?ya ya haka? Allah ya raba ki da wani damuwa...

for any one who cares t knw the last part means.. "I am just living and they want to come and tie me up. Please, I have five children. I don't want trouble"

For the love of me said...

Thank you talesandtallies for the traduire.Very nice writing. I laughed my head off. Don't worry, we've got your back, if they come for you, we will go for them. Don't belive thatoooo.But like Naapali said, how police wan take put on computer now.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Gaskiya ba kowa da zai iya daure ki! Dem can't fit. Kin gi?

Smaragd said...

lmao! my dear sarcastic Yar'Mama, all u have to do is speak big english and they'll leave u alone, u see, they are very afraid of learned pple.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hey there!

I am happy that I found your blog!

Please feel welcome to stop by whenever you would like and share your thoughts!

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

TheAfroBeat said...

Beware the SSS O! But as Brother naaps pointed out, dem no fit tosh you!

All i can think when i read this today, Obama day, is that we need a revolution in Nigeria. Yes we can, yes we will, yes we must!

MissLove said...

pls can they gerrout! :)

Kin'shar said...

receipts....who keeps receipts...lol

tankojjetty said...

okay....we all get the gist` *nervous cough*
its all fiction abi...
efcc,sss,cia,fbi,hiv...its all fiction o...
abeg no carry my fellow blogger o

Adekunle Shobowale said...

You're close to the edge. Easy...

LG said...

happy new month dear'
howz d fam

Flora said...

Hi,

I came across your Blog by chance last week. I looooooooooooooove it. By nature I am a very sarcastic person and most times people dont even understand or get my point. You are a breath of fresh air. I like the fact that you are candid and are able to laugh at yourself and your foibles.

guerilla basement productions said...

hello

i really love your blog, and im also very interested in your own story. how can i get in touch with you via email.
my email is poisonous84@hotmail.com

many thanks
W

Toks- Boy said...

Thanks. Got you message. Now it's your turn. Thanks

tobenna said...

Ironic.
Very Ironic.
And nothing has changed.